You Are Part Ninja, Part Monkey, And Part Stairmaster Cyborg

For now, stop thinking about 50K. Just sprint thousands. Visualize each writing session as a tall staircase made up of 1000 steps. You are part ninja, part monkey, and part stairmaster cyborg. You were born to fly up those steps.

- from the NaNoWriMo Week 2 pep talk email.

From Dostoevsky

"I shall be told, perhaps, that Alyosha was stupid, undeveloped, had not finished his studies, and so on. That he did not finish his studies is true, but to say that he was stupid or dull would be a great injustice. I'll simply repeat what I have said above. He entered upon this path only because, at that time, it alone struck his imagination and presented itself to him as offering an ideal means of escape for his soul from darkness to light. Add to that that he was to some extent a youth of our last epoch - that is, honest in nature, desiring the truth, seeking for it and believing in it, and seeking to serve it at once with all the strength of his soul, seeking for immediate action, and ready to sacrifice everything, life itself, for it. Though these young men unhappily fail to understand that the sacrifice of life is, in many cases, the easiest of all sacrifices, and that to sacrifice, for instance, five or six years of their seething youth to hard and tedious study, if only to multiply tenfold their powers of serving the truth and the cause they have set before them as their goal - such a sacrifice is utterly beyond the strength of many of them."

- from The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky.

To Thee, The Champion

My confidence has suffered a blow after following Abbi's prolific WriMo progress for a couple of days and tonight reading what Lucy posted of her novel. My own progress is small and painful because
- that's how I am, I am determinedly small and painful about things
- I'm still unsure about which 'voice' to use: when I dreamt up the novel ages ago, I was going through a phase of writing in a very chopped-down, clear, precise way. Now I am back in my normal rambly flowery way, and there is a discrepancy  between the two conceptions of the story.
- The protagonist isn't very likeable
- I don't have time for NaNoWriMo.

To make myself feel better, here is some gorgeous hymnography. What is so loveable is the unexpected line breaks in the way it is sung, depicted here with /s.

To thee, the champion / leader, do I offer thanks of victory! / O Theotokos, / thou who hast delivered me from terror, / but as thou that hast that power invisible. / O Theotokos, thou alone can set me free / from all forms of danger, free me and deliver me / that I may cry unto thee, / hail O Bride without Bridegroom!

(Yeah, I got out my battered old copy of I'll Take You There. It makes me feel better about the way I write. And about life generally.)

WriMo: Day 4, Phase 2 - Insert Expletive Here

I just thought I'd put it out there for posterity, for the children of my children's children, for the world and its dog, that Chapter II of my NanoWrimo novel* is complete tripe. Tripe and twaddle. I refer to 'Phase 2' because the initial burst of euphoric fun has gone, and I'm starting to remember why I didn't finish writing this damned story the first time around.

There was a really nice Creative Writing Society write-in today, though. I say nice - there were many laughs with people I like, but in total I wrote two and a quarter A5 pages. In three hours. THAT, my friends, is how crap Chapter II is.

* At time of posting, although I have written more, the word count is still on 613. And as I gaze at the screen, willing myself into a state of creative initiative, all I can think about is how 613 is how many Jewish commandments there are.

The Business Of Death

This article, via The Ochlophobist, resonated strongly in the context of my experiences of my grandma's 'funeral' a couple of years ago. I've made no secret of the fact that it was one of the most irreverent, emotionally unhealthy experiences of my life. It's interesting to think that it might have been part of a broader move towards a treatment of death as something foreign - not the 'fear of death' spiel, but uncertainty as to what to do with it.

It has been a great relief, after the guilt and bitterness of grandma's funeral, to come into contact with the funeral services in the Church, which are neither squeamish, nor fearful. Which do not pretend at some vague 'Oh, s/he's in a better place now'. Whose empathy with grief is as sturdy and unpretentious as a rock. The open coffin is central, literally. What is really interesting is priests (and others, I guess) wear white at funerals, not black, the symbolism of which is: black would be a denial of resurrection, and white is the colour of Pascha, and life.

WriMo

Well, NaNoWriMo is nearly upon us. I have decided to go with a plot that I originally conceived a long time ago (as in, the beginning of this year) but never got around to writing in any more depth than a page of a first chapter, a page of the middle, and the last paragraph. It has the tentative title Dancing With Caracals, for reasons that will be elucidated to any poor soul who has to read the thing once November is up.

Abbi has taken the generous step of adding a fundrasing dimension to her WriMo. In order to get the password details to her writing blog - on which her novel will be posted as it gets written - you have to donate something to Barnardo's, the excellent children's charity. You *will* want to do this, because apparently Where The Wild Things Are is not going to be given much attention during this time. And who doesn't want to witness the beautiful unfolding of a novel / rapid nervous breakdown of a previously annoyingly prolific fellow writer?

I have spent the morning eating raspberry jam on toast and reading The Uncommon Reader by Alan Bennett, which is, in a word, delightful. I received many superb presents yesterday, a small selection of which can be seen below. I have a feeling the thesaurus is going to come in very handy.

45 Questions

1. Do you like blue cheese? No.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? No.
3. Do you own a gun? There are guns in Sweden I have access to.
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Starbucks? Why would you add a flavour to a drink?
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Sometimes. Little irrational things like possibly having brought the wrong form, or the doctor somehow being able to see how many biscuits I ate the day before.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? Uh, they're cool.
7. Favourite Christmas movie? The Snowman.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Tea.
9. Can you do push ups? In groups of three.
10. What’s your favourite piece of jewellery? Two favourites right now: my Jerusalem cross pendant from Simone, and the fabulous dangly beady earrings from Agga.
11. Favorite hobby? Nerding about storybooks.
12. Do you have A.D.D? No.
13. What’s one trait you hate about yourself? Fickleness.
14. Middle name? No.
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? What three thoughts shall I put down? My back hurts. I wonder what birthday presents I'll get tomorrow.
16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday? I didn't. I was chained to my desk, writing.
17. Name 3 things you drink daily: Tea, water, er, tea.
18. Current worry? Not being able to get to sleep on the hard futon on my sister's bedroom floor.
19. Current dislike? The abuse of the English language in this quiz.
20. How did you bring in the New Year? By passing out - er, sleeping on Joshua's bed.
21. Where would you like to go? The monastery.
22. Name three people who will complete this: Lucy, maybe. Saoirse. Dom, if I mention him.
23. Do you own slippers? Yes.
24. What shirt are you wearing? Stripy nightdress.
25. [Missing apparently]
26. Favorite colour[s]? Red. Purple. Green.
27. Could you be a pirate? Yes!
28. What songs do you sing in the shower? Terrible renditions of Byzantine chants.
29. Favourite food? Greasy (right now, at least).
30. What’s in your pocket right now? Dust bunnies.
31. Last thing that made you laugh? Reginald D. Hunter at Live At The Apollo tonight.
32. Favourite sheets? Ones with the elastic things on the corners so they don't slide around.
33. Worst injury you have ever had? Heart stamped upon.
34. Do you love where you live? Yes.
35. How many TVs do you have in your house? None that I have immediate access to. Next-door neighbour has one.
36. Who is your loudest friend? Dodo.
37. How many dogs do you have? Zero.
38. Does someone have a crush on you? Yes.
39. What are your favourite book(s): This is supposed to be a short answer.
40. What is your favourite candy? Chocolate. Strawberry shoelaces come a close second.
41. Favourite Sports Water: Chlorinated.
42. What songs do you want played at your funeral? The ones in the Orthodox funeral service :P
43. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Writing.
44. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke this morning? I hope my memory stick doesn't bail on me.
45. Favourite place to be? St. Botolph's on a sunny Sunday morning.